Onion Peel

If Jenny wasn't fictional this would have been my message to her!

Honestly I'm not really pleased with how this book is going so far. I want desperately for someone to give Mary a chance. I know that during that time women were not allowed to go to college to become doctors. I feel like Mary craves more than being a midwife, she knows she has the ability to become something more. The fact that even her mother isn't empowering her pains me. I think about times with my own mother, she is always trying to empower me to do more challenging things. But then I see Amelia Sutter just saying 'oh better stick to being a midwife'... I know she is just looking out for her daughter. Back during the Civil War I know that being a doctor was a 'boys club' thing, but Mary had the qualifications for it.

What would have happened if I came across Jenny

She had this burning passion to gain more knowledge on the human body, she also kept on trying to get into that college. It really irritated me when they denied her, it just makes my stomach turn. Mary deserves so much better, I just want for someone to notice her talent. I know that she has a bit of a temper, but who can blame her! Mary is surrounded by people who want to keep her in her place, with a 'woman's job'. Mary's sister Jenny really bothers me, she's not a real sister. Jenny is such a jerk towards her twin, honestly it makes me so mad. As you know I have an older sister, she might be five years older than me but we are as thick as thieves. We support each other in everything, and help one another. I tried to imagine my sister and myself in Mary and Jenny's place. Let's just say I almost had a panic attack, how could someones twin treat them so poorly? This is the exact quote that really created me extremely passionate hatred for Jenny, "Mary, you have everything. Do you see? I'm a shadow. I haunt our house, I watch you go off wherever it is you go. You understand things. Women respect you. They come and ask for you. ...Thomas married me. Not you". Wow! Come on, you are jealous of your sister going out and doing a job she enjoys? So you steal her man, then marry him?! In my eyes, what Jenny should have done was ask her sister to teach her what she knows. Why does there always have to be a man that gets in the middle of everything. It just breaks my heart, I feel like Jenny just wants to get back at Mary. That's super immature of her though, my sister and I always talk things through. Mary and Jenny don't communicate. I'm just so mad that Jenny had to turn this into something else...then she finds out she's pregnant? There she finally got her shining moments, marrying her sisters first love and being pregnant with that man's child. This whole books feels like a  down hill roller costar, hopefully that doesn't last for long. I feel like it has been an unhappy slope, I just keep getting more and more frustrated. I adore Mary so much, I want her to be my sister. I want to take her from the novel, bring her home and treat her the way she deserves. Then she can finally have good sisters! Or actually I would also love for her to join that girl gang. The one with  Jane and the Rivers sisters, I think it would be a perfect fit!

Under Pressure

           Recently in many relationships I have taken on the role of care taker/ therapist, big sister, mother hen, or whatever you would like to call it. From a young age I had always wanted to help people, especially my friends. I didn't really expect it to turn out like this, it's not with one specific friendship that this has happened in multiple ones. It was really hard because although I wanted to be that shoulder to lean on, it felt more like I was being used. I was like some sort of emotional outlet for them, when they needed to dump hard problems on someone and ask for advice I was the person they came to. They asked for advice, and this might seem weird coming form me because it's 'not humble', but I give decent advice. They all seem to need something from me all the time and I couldn't always offer it. I tend to stress over other people's feelings more than my own, which is pretty unhealthy, but It got to the point where I didn't care about my own feelings because i was worrying about other people being happy.

        How i felt while trying to comfort my friends when I got emotional!
(Don't worry this is trying to brighten the mood, it's supposed to
now tat its all over!!)

           I never really gave myself a break, and so much was expected out of me from my friends because they would come to me so often with problems. I didn't think about my own well being because I was only thinking about my friends. They all knew I was working on trying to be less of a pushover, I started to feel like they were taking advantage of me. I didn't really feel as happy as I used to after I realized what was going on. I felt less like myself everyday after that, I was just giving help and advice to people who wouldn't even listen to it. At some point I was really being treated as more of a therapist than a friend. It was just rough all around, I felt like if I stopped helping my friends they wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. Which seems silly, but growing up with some of my friends none of them really seemed to take notice to me unless I was able to offer something to them. I just really wanted them to be my friends, but that's not what makes a good friendship at all. I couldn't even find away to tell them that I no longer wanted to be this 'therapist and emotional outlet' I just felt like I was stuck. I was being suffocated in the middle of all of their problems. I couldn't solve them, I couldn't even solve my own problems.
           As you may already know I am a very sensitive person, well scratch that. I am really overly sensitive, and extremely emotional. So the more they told me harsh and emotional problems, I would breakdown. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't handle trying to solve a problem and give them advice without stressing myself to tears. At this point my mom was so worried she told me to not talk to some of my friends anymore. I would avoid them as best as I could, which didn't really feel right. But at the same time it felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, I could focus on myself instead
of some people who didn't even listen to a word I said.