Under Pressure

           Recently in many relationships I have taken on the role of care taker/ therapist, big sister, mother hen, or whatever you would like to call it. From a young age I had always wanted to help people, especially my friends. I didn't really expect it to turn out like this, it's not with one specific friendship that this has happened in multiple ones. It was really hard because although I wanted to be that shoulder to lean on, it felt more like I was being used. I was like some sort of emotional outlet for them, when they needed to dump hard problems on someone and ask for advice I was the person they came to. They asked for advice, and this might seem weird coming form me because it's 'not humble', but I give decent advice. They all seem to need something from me all the time and I couldn't always offer it. I tend to stress over other people's feelings more than my own, which is pretty unhealthy, but It got to the point where I didn't care about my own feelings because i was worrying about other people being happy.

        How i felt while trying to comfort my friends when I got emotional!
(Don't worry this is trying to brighten the mood, it's supposed to
now tat its all over!!)

           I never really gave myself a break, and so much was expected out of me from my friends because they would come to me so often with problems. I didn't think about my own well being because I was only thinking about my friends. They all knew I was working on trying to be less of a pushover, I started to feel like they were taking advantage of me. I didn't really feel as happy as I used to after I realized what was going on. I felt less like myself everyday after that, I was just giving help and advice to people who wouldn't even listen to it. At some point I was really being treated as more of a therapist than a friend. It was just rough all around, I felt like if I stopped helping my friends they wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. Which seems silly, but growing up with some of my friends none of them really seemed to take notice to me unless I was able to offer something to them. I just really wanted them to be my friends, but that's not what makes a good friendship at all. I couldn't even find away to tell them that I no longer wanted to be this 'therapist and emotional outlet' I just felt like I was stuck. I was being suffocated in the middle of all of their problems. I couldn't solve them, I couldn't even solve my own problems.
           As you may already know I am a very sensitive person, well scratch that. I am really overly sensitive, and extremely emotional. So the more they told me harsh and emotional problems, I would breakdown. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't handle trying to solve a problem and give them advice without stressing myself to tears. At this point my mom was so worried she told me to not talk to some of my friends anymore. I would avoid them as best as I could, which didn't really feel right. But at the same time it felt like a weight had been lifted off of me, I could focus on myself instead
of some people who didn't even listen to a word I said.